Through With Love

My go to song-->Through With Love by Destiny's Child

I know the title seems harsh, but it's not what it seems. I'm not some angry black female swearing off love and black men because of a few bad experiences. Those experiences were directly proportional to where I was in regards to my emotional and mental maturity. I feel like this song represents the metamorphosis I have undergone with respects to emotional, mental, and spiritual levels.



I'm glad I finally found God's love and that it has come to be enough for me, because I would compromise myself for the love of a man. I have had boyfriends (yes two, it's like they read the same handbook) constantly tell me about their type and never described me, mention how their friends said they downgraded when they got with me, and tell me I wasn't the prettiest girl they could have. To me it all sounded like they wanted me to be grateful that they would even consider talking to me. I hated it but I loved them, so like a child desperate for her parent's approval, I acted out. Sometimes I acted out because I wanted positive attention, sometimes I wanted to feel pretty, other times I wanted to hurt them as much as I was hurting (hurt people, hurt people and I'm sorry). To make a long story short, in the end I was the one most devastated. That's where Michelle's line comes in.

My absolute favorite verse:
"Why do I feel so empty?
I’m crying out for some stability
Destroy my many insecurities
I'm breaking down somebody pray for me
Need a love like no other not an ordinary love
Restore my joy, wisdom and courage
Lord I need your love
I found a new love, I found new, found a new love
I finally found it in God"

Now, I'm so good. I am cool with both of the exes. I know one day they'll be great at relationships and make excellent husbands, just not for me. I don't feel the need to act out for male attention and I feel a lot better about myself. When I look back and see where God has brought me from, I am just really thankful. Yet, I look forward and know I still have such a long way to go.

Alexany <3