Oldest Child

The oldest child doesn't really have the luxury of being a child.
I guess you can call me lucky, because I got a taste of the good life.
My mom made enough money so that I never had to work.
But at the same time, we were always one paycheck away from poverty.
She has no savings, no retirement, no 401K.
She just has this paycheck.
And the next paycheck.
And the one after that.
But then she had a heart attack...
Yes, I was a child, but I wasn't so ignorant.
I had my allowance.
Lucky me.
Saved up just for this rainy day.
And I bought groceries.
And I paid bills.
I signed permission slips
and paid for field trips.
And my mom was a trooper.
A soldier of life.
Up and working for that next paycheck
before they cut off the lights.
And it hurt her.
I could see it.
So it hurt me.
There is nothing worse than to feel helpless.
Unable to stop the pain of the person you love most in the world.
And I looked for work.
But she stopped my search.
"Focus on school." she said, "That's your job"
And I did what she told me.
Because an oldest child does not disobey her mother.
And I got paid for my job.
And I saved from my job.
And my mom was out of a job.
Heart attack number 2.

To be continued///I just felt like writing this little piece. There is so much more to the story, of course. Oldest children of single parents can relate. That's just one aspect. I keep trying to find the strength to tell my full story, but where I'm from "Our business stays our business." I know it can help someone. But every time I think of writing more of the truth, I feel like I'm betraying someone.