Elevator Side-Eye

I know you know what I'm talking about. The "Elevator Side-eye" is the look people give someone who takes the elevator from the first floor ALL THE WAY to the second floor. Or the second floor to the third floor. You get the point. It the look reserved for people that take the elevator up ONE floor. Now, you would think that I am writing this post to bash all the "One Floor Ellies" (People that take the elevator up one floor), but I'm not. This post is about the ignorant Elevator Side-eye givers. Now the term ignorant is not to be derisive at all. It is merely a correct adjective used to describe these Elevator Side-eye givers. They are ignorant. They think this person is taking the elevator merely because he or she is lazy. Even if he or she were, it is their right. The elevator is here for all to use and you are going to get to where you need to be.
Anyway, here are just a few things an Elevator Side-eye giver might be ingnorant of:

• The stairwell door leading to the floor I need to get to is LOCKED. Meaning I either stop one floor below it and ride the elevator up or I stop one floor above it and ride the elevator down. Either way, I'm riding ONE FLOOR!!
• I walked to the Metro, stood on my feet for 6 hours at work, and walked from the Metro to my dorm. I walked up the stairs leading from the front door to the levels with the elevators and I don't feel like taking any more stairs.
• I just got done working out. I'm freaking tired.
• According to my dorm manager, I am not allowed to use the stairs that lead me DIRECTLY to my dorm room. The other stairs that lead me to my room are unneccesarily far. I'm not taking those unless I'm feeling energetic.

I just get so annoyed. I understand that Elevator Side-eye givers can get frustrated if they live on the 7th floor and people stop on EVERY floor. I get it. But seriously, it's an elevator. You're going to get to where you're going, but slower than you would have if you would have run up the stairs. You've seen it in movies #comeonson. When the good guys run up the stairs, they usually catch up to the bad guy in the elevator. So if you are in such a rush, run up the stairs to your destination. Trust me. I've done it. It's much faster.

Adultolescence

The sociologist call it "Transitional Adulthood" aka "Adultolescence". This is the stage where we are no longer children, but we aren't quite adults yet. Our world is still slightly sheltered and our world is somehow realer than it was before but still faker than the world we'll come to know. This stage, like adolescence, is marked by growth, change, or maybe stunted growth. For me, it was during adolescence that I reached my highest height (5'1 and a 1/4). Luckily though, for most, psychological growth is not limited to the duration of physical growth.
At the same time, that fact scares me. The fact that people can and will change in accordance to their circumstances. When we were all where we were, roles were concrete and situations were predictable even if we were having "adventure time". Despite the spontaneity of the event, we knew who would react how. We just knew and there is nothing more comforting than knowing.
Now...I don't know. Or I'm not sure. Our paths have diverged and our personalities have finally had the chance to evolve independently of each other and I wonder if they are still compatible. Sometimes, it seems they're not. I hear you speak and I imagine your actions and I picture a stranger and I don't like it. It doesn't matter that I don't like it though, because perhaps this has always been who you were, but out relationship stifled your manifestation. I imagine you listening to me speak and wondering the same thing. I confide in you the deridation of others' actions, yet they are actions that you, yourself, commit. And I imagine you thinking when did I become this person. When did we stop being able to finish each other's sentences and when did we stop being able to read each other's mind and when did choosing a birthday gift become a guessing game? It's not to say that who we are now is bad or somehow worse than who we were, it's just different. So different, in fact, it's difficult to picture it ever being the same.

Back At It Again

Back in school. Busier than ever. I like it. I love it. I hate it. I'm scared.
I like it because it gives me something to do everyday.
I love it because it makes me feel better about myself, my goals, and my purpose.
I hate it because I'm a sluggard at heart and it takes every ounce of my being to not do nothing.
I'm scared because it requires me to be a person either I've never been or I've lost.
All this work I have requires me to be prepared, organized, assertive and diligent.
I've rarely had to prepare to get ahead. I'm smart and knowledge always came easy.
Not anymore. I have to study. I have to prepare.
I've been so-so on the organization front.
I've never been assertive.
And diligent is a word others would use to describe me.
I wouldn't use it on myself.
I've seen diligence and it is not me...yet.
Honestly, academic things came easy to me. They just fell in my lap because I was top of my class.
In college, nearly everyone was top of their class so the playing field is leveled.
But I've never practiced. I am learning the rules now. As I go...better now than later when I am really and truly thrust into the real world.

Oldest Child

The oldest child doesn't really have the luxury of being a child.
I guess you can call me lucky, because I got a taste of the good life.
My mom made enough money so that I never had to work.
But at the same time, we were always one paycheck away from poverty.
She has no savings, no retirement, no 401K.
She just has this paycheck.
And the next paycheck.
And the one after that.
But then she had a heart attack...
Yes, I was a child, but I wasn't so ignorant.
I had my allowance.
Lucky me.
Saved up just for this rainy day.
And I bought groceries.
And I paid bills.
I signed permission slips
and paid for field trips.
And my mom was a trooper.
A soldier of life.
Up and working for that next paycheck
before they cut off the lights.
And it hurt her.
I could see it.
So it hurt me.
There is nothing worse than to feel helpless.
Unable to stop the pain of the person you love most in the world.
And I looked for work.
But she stopped my search.
"Focus on school." she said, "That's your job"
And I did what she told me.
Because an oldest child does not disobey her mother.
And I got paid for my job.
And I saved from my job.
And my mom was out of a job.
Heart attack number 2.

To be continued///I just felt like writing this little piece. There is so much more to the story, of course. Oldest children of single parents can relate. That's just one aspect. I keep trying to find the strength to tell my full story, but where I'm from "Our business stays our business." I know it can help someone. But every time I think of writing more of the truth, I feel like I'm betraying someone.

Change (n.)- To make different

According to my go to site Dictionary.com, change means to become different. That makes sense. That's a common word I believe more than most English speakers understand.
With that in mind, I pose a question to my readers...

Question: If two people both changed, that means they are different people right? So, in a sense they are strangers. In that case, they would need to be reacquainted with each other because any interactions would probably be based on the people each remember the other to be.

That's my logic on the subject and it applies largely to those relationship that ended on a sour note, not necessarily those that just simply faded away. With relationships like friendships that just didn't continue because school or life, in general, caused separation, I can understand the attempt to just jump back into the old routine.

I am a different person now than I was in middle school. Sadly, my best friend from middle school and I aren't the absolute closest. But when we do get together, it's like time and space fold together to mend that stretch of time we weren't together. The reason that works is because the people we've become are not so fantastically different than who we were that we can't be friends. Plus, the people we were didn't cause unnecessary strife and drama in each others' lives.

I am different person now than I was with either of my exes. They have changed as well. We are merely acquaintances. Information they probably knew then, like my favorite color, is possibly outdated. We hardly know each other. I won't just jump into the "old swing of things", because if the change is drastic then I need to get to know you again. But if you haven't changed that much, then I really need to tread lightly because who you were was not healthy for me.
If I've changed as much as I like to think I have then I'll be able to put on the breaks when things are moving too fast or begin to mirror the old times and I be able to steer this relationship in the right direction.

Paper-Doll Cutout Love

So, I've been thinking a lot lately. Surprisingly, it wasn't all about relationships. It was mostly about my laziness and lack of passion for almost anything. I'm thinking writing might be one, but we'll see in due time.
However, I've noticed a theme with this blog. So, in keeping with that theme (for now) I would like to writing a little something about love. I'm not an expert on the subject, but I know enough.
I know that, for one, God is love and without Him you cannot experience properly. You can argue me about this point 'til Kingdom come, but I'd rather you get on board before that point in time.
Secondly, I know that people can express the same love in different ways. Hitting or abuse in any form is not one of those ways. Let's clear that up before hand. Love should make you feel loved and not like a burden. Love doesn't try to make you feel like you are undeserving of it. So if you're experiencing any of that, just know it's not love.

Love is doing the little things that cater to the idiosyncrasies to your significant other

Now for me, "significant other" is more than just your boyfriend or girlfriend. For the sake of this post, it can be your mother, brother, best friend, or anyone receiving the love you're referring to.

Charmed is like one of my favorite shows and Phoebe made a list of what she would want in a man. The only one I can remember right now is "A man who hates my brand of cereal so that there is always some for me." It prompted me to think of non-physical attributes that I would like in a man. I was just thinking...what can a man do for me that would convince me that he loved me?

Like the bolded portion above states, it would have to be the little things. I know this because people like my mom and best friend love me and they show it by catering to my weirdness.
My best friend does a silly penguin dance to help me calm my nerves.
My mom lets me know anytime Happy Feet or The Incredibles are on TV.
For me it's the small things that count and it should be the same for you.

Anyone can treat you like a "paper-doll cut out." Anyone can give you roses on Valentine's Day. Anyone can buy you jewelry. You don't have to be especially in-tune with a person to buy a box of chocolates and a card.
Me? I like roses, but I prefer Hibiscus or any flower with an extended stamen and large petals. Diamonds are nice, but I'm scared they might not be conflict-free. You'd be better off giving gold or some beautiful hand-made craft from the old-lady down the road. Did you make sure the chocolate didn't have any fruity filling? I dislike those with a passion. Oh, it's filled with caramel. Yes! My favorite! And good...the card isn't too touchy feely. It's hilarious...just the way I like it.

Love should be unconditional, but altered for the person you are giving it too. That's just how it should be to me. How should it be for you?

Ms. Patty Put-her-down

Ok...ok...so you notice that your ex-boyfriend and this new chick have been getting real internet-chummy. It seems as if she like every status he writes and he comments every picture she post. And it's not like you can completely ignore the situation especially if you have mutual friends.
What do you do to make yourself feel better and less like a non-cool lame? [FYI: There are multiple definitions of lame and the one I identify with would mean "unusual, awkward, weird, and a semi-loner]
I've noticed that most girls go into an unhealthy session of new-chick-bashing in order to make themselves feel better. I can't lie, I've been there and done that. Sometimes, a friend a join in, but I've learned that in the end...it didn't really do much.

Ms. Patty Put-her-down: Patty Put-her-down hates the new girl in her ex's life for one reason: the new girl is getting all the attention Patty once got. Now, Patty won't admit this. She'll claim not to care, but her true feelings show as she constantly criticizes the new girl's skin tone, skin, hair, smile, clothes, and statuses. The new girl can be as gorgeous as Aphrodite, but Patty HAS to find any flaw and constantly point it out. It's sickening and sad really.
It is no one's place but God's to judge beauty or the character of a relationship. Yet Patty just knows that the love isn't real. She just knows the girl is ugly and conceited and that her ex is only with her for one reason.

I think you would find it easier to simply be happy for the situation especially if the girl is beautiful. That means your ex has good taste.
You're constantly fishing for the perfect catch. Well now you know he's not it. Thank the girl, you are one-guy closer to finding the right one. Your search is a little easier.
If you are on the sentimental side like me, then you like a good romance. You're always happy with the leading guy and gal get together in the end. Just think of the situation as a movie starring your ex and his new girl. Awww...isn't it cute.
Don't worry, you'll have your lead role soon enough.
Basically remember,

If a relationship is destined to happen, it will happen.
Man cannot separate what God has joined together.

Really, if you find yourself working overtime to get and keep a guy's attention, then ya'll probably aren't meant to be together.
"If a guy treats you like he doesn't care about you, then he genuinely doesn't care about you. Point. Blank. Period."-He Just Not That Into You